Are Parenting Plans Easy?

When there has been abuse or constant fighting in a marriage, face-to-face meetings for parenting plans are out of the question. Plans for parenting are made by the parents and the courts would like their input on custody arrangements. Emotional baggage must be set aside while parents focus on the kids. Alternate forms of communication can be used when parents should not meet in the same room.

Experts would recommend complete separation in the case of domestic violence even though many courts require victims of domestic violence to cooperate with visitation. They maintain that the angry parent will be less angry over the loss of the marriage and restrictions on the parent if the abuser can have a relationship with their kids. As if it weren't hard enough just to get the divorce!

Alternative forms of communication are fax machines, answering machines, voice mail and email. Though there are many ways for these forms of communication to break down, an acknowledgement is always mandated before anyone assumes receipt.

In other words, don't assume your ex got your message just because you left one. If they don't acknowledge, you don't have a right to think they got the message. Resend until you hear back from the other person. Never make your kids the message bearers. That is not their responsibility.

If your ex is not spending enough hands-on time with your kids on visitation, it is important to be kind when conveying this to him/her. The kids are bored and your ex-husband doesn't really know what to do with the kids. Send a game and ask him if he would like suggestions on what the kids like to do. Don't make him a bad guy by speaking to him in accusatory tones. Just be helpful so your kids get time with their dad.

Kids may not want to spend time with their old man. This can be very hurtful to their father. Get to the bottom of the problem by talking this over with your kids. Does he have a friend that is unkind to them? Have you influenced your children on this in any way?

Parenting plans require children to spend time with both available parents. Are they just tired of going back and forth? Are the older ones just thinking of themselves and wanting to spend time with their friends? Are your kids ignored when away at the other house?

Communicating with your ex may not be your favorite pastime. You must do it for the sake of your kids. Knowing both parents love them is important. Kids just want to know someone is there for them. Always be sure to speak neutrally or kindly of the other parent. Welcome them when they come to pick the kids up for visitation. You kids will love you for it and you may get extra help from your ex when you need by being cooperative and friendly.


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Lil Lyon is passionate about kids having the best chance at life. She started:

http://www.forchildcustody.com

to help parents deal with the tragedy of divorce. Casualties in divorce include kids and Lil helps parents through the murky waters of winning the best child custody plan for their kids.